Some people are against porno movies...

"Some people are against porno movies. And I say hey, Ohio, Kentucky, and Iran: I say, hey - whatever a man, and a woman, and another woman with a penis and a midget do to a donkey, that's their garsh-darn business." - Dave Attell

I love midget porn. Dave Attell is the shit. Here's some mo':

"You know what my drink is? Jack Daniels. That's a wild man drink. That should come with bail money. Because on Jack you never know where you'll end up, but you know when you get there, you won't be wearing any pants." - Dave Attell

"I was drinking Jack and I blacked out. You ever black out? Or as I call it, time travel? You're in a bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're in another bar. You're drinking, you black out. You wake up, you're playing that knife game with a half-Indian. You wake up, you're in McDonald's--working there 3 years, STILL not assistant manager. You want to quit, but you can't 'cause you're banging the slow girl on the fry-a-lator. They say she's retarded, but those titties ain't retarded!" - Dave Attell